I'm sitting here listening to make sure my baby is breathing. Just like I did when she was a newborn. I'm scared to go to sleep, too afraid. All I really want to do is cry, just cry and scream. I'm angry, scared, guilty.
Gone are her chubby baby thighs, cheeks and pudgy fingers. Boney, knobby joints and gaunt stares are left in return.
My 4-year-old baby deals with such adult things as insulin, carbohydrates and ketones now and forever. Oh how I long to hear her just sing her alphabet or watch her eat with abandon.
She wants juice, ice cream, corndogs. All the things that complete a childhood. And for her it seems that childhood is over. We've said goodbye to so many things this week.
And sometimes I know we are so gonna conquer diabetes and others times, I feel completely defeated already ... Day 3 of a lifetime ... and we're exhausted.
I can distinctly recall thinking, man, are we blessed. Life can't get any better, knowing full well our trials will come and just not knowing in what form.
Our trial is Type 1 diabetes ... wreaking havoc silently within my Millie Bug's body.
Even in dispair, I know our God is mighty. I know He promises brighter days! I know He will give us strength to edure. And I know He has a beautiful and perfect plan for Millie. He has chosen Eric and I for her. And I hope we prove worthy. We are so blessed. He has shown my baby mercy already in that He allowed us to discover her illness early and begin treatment before the usual trip to the ICU that is so common with pediatric diabetes patients.
He is revealing Himself to us in so many ways. He is amazing. And He made her amazing. I'm so honored to witness her play out the story He has written for her.
So far it is beautiful and perfect in every way.