Sunday, April 18, 2010

I'm sitting here listening to make sure my baby is breathing. Just like I did when she was a newborn. I'm scared to go to sleep, too afraid. All I really want to do is cry, just cry and scream. I'm angry, scared, guilty.
Gone are her chubby baby thighs, cheeks and pudgy fingers. Boney, knobby joints and gaunt stares are left in return.
My 4-year-old baby deals with such adult things as insulin, carbohydrates and ketones now and forever. Oh how I long to hear her just sing her alphabet or watch her eat with abandon.
She wants juice, ice cream, corndogs. All the things that complete a childhood. And for her it seems that childhood is over. We've said goodbye to so many things this week.
And sometimes I know we are so gonna conquer diabetes and others times, I feel completely defeated already ... Day 3 of a lifetime ... and we're exhausted.
I can distinctly recall thinking, man, are we blessed. Life can't get any better, knowing full well our trials will come and just not knowing in what form.
Our trial is Type 1 diabetes ... wreaking havoc silently within my Millie Bug's body.
Even in dispair, I know our God is mighty. I know He promises brighter days! I know He will give us strength to edure. And I know He has a beautiful and perfect plan for Millie. He has chosen Eric and I for her. And I hope we prove worthy. We are so blessed. He has shown my baby mercy already in that He allowed us to discover her illness early and begin treatment before the usual trip to the ICU that is so common with pediatric diabetes patients.
He is revealing Himself to us in so many ways. He is amazing. And He made her amazing. I'm so honored to witness her play out the story He has written for her.
So far it is beautiful and perfect in every way.

5 comments:

Jessica said...

Up late tonight. About to log off for the night but decided to read a few posts and then call it a night. Came to yours. Dropped down to my knees and said a prayer for my sweet Amelia...and for you & Eric...for your family...for strength...for guidance...for peace...for you to feel the love and support of so many around you, but most importantly God's love.

Here for you. Love you guys!
~Jessica

Sweet P Preston said...

I think about you all daily. I am so sorry Millie was diagnosed with this. But I know that through your faith and love Amelia will be taken care of. I pray for you the strength and guidance as you all conquer this. Love you.

Amanda said...

Praying for Millie Bug and your family!

Mindy said...

Dt. 20:1 - When you go to war against your enemies (diabetes) and see horses and chariots (insulin and shots) and an army greater than yours DO NOT BE AFRAID of them (it) because the Lord our God WILL be with you. We sometimes use the phrase "making at mountain out of a mole hill" and I think we have it wrong. God knows we face MOUNTAINS but he assures us he is mighty to move them and in the times that he doesn't, he will climb with us on our beautiful journey all the way.

Praying for you and your family as you begin your climb. Love you girl . . .

Cori said...

Thank you all! I love you. You can't even begin to imagine how much your thoughts, prayers and kind words mean to our family. Sometimes we get so down and feel so alone. God has truly blessed us with your friendship and sisterhood. Love you!